The Juniper Bushes...

Right outside the kitchen window we had wonderful juniper bushes that I could have easily let take over our front yard if they weren't the ugliest plant ever known to man. They are wonderful for spider nests, catching random bits of trash floating in the wind and gosh they are god's gift horrific yard covering.They provide a built in security system because they are nature's razor wire. 

This is a juniper bush, or should I say, OUR multiple juniper bushes that have had time to breed in the twenty years the house has been around. They are ugly and really serve no purpose what so ever except to cover bald patches. 

When I get an idea for a DIY project I think my boyfriend goes into a secluded room, curls up into a ball on our beautiful floors, and cries because he knows that I cannot even complete half of the project alone (as for this project I only made it thirty minutes) and he knows that the weekend will be spent on that project and he will miss the beloved Falcon's game, be sore for a week and by the time he recovers from the previous project, a new idea has surfaced, but I digress.

So looking out of the kitchen window one morning, drinking my morning tea, I decided the junipers needed to come out. I have removed bushes before, it really wasn't that difficult. Strap a chain to the root and then to a truck, drive forward and you are done. Not with these guys. The root system wound through the entire front yard and it took us two whole days of non-stop work. No worries though we had two extra crew members to help...

This has been by far the most difficult project by far in the entire house and will probably remain the hardest throughout the entire time we are in the house. 

Here are some VERY helpful pointers if you have been cursed with juniper bushes. 

1.) Trim from the top down. It is important to know where they have entangled themselves and just start hacking away at the top. 
2.) DO NOT strap a truck to the roots. The root system is so intricate that the chain will slip off the root and the truck will go through the neighbor's house.
3.) You need a man. Now this is not relationship advice it is just the truth. It doesn't matter if he is a brother, a father, a neighbor, a husband, or your friend's husband. The reality is that even pulling with every ounce of my being those bushes did not budge. 
4.)  Understand what you are getting into before hand. The neighbor children will see you cry, you will look like you just lost a bar fight with a porcupine, you will need the help of random people if you are alone, and it takes hours upon hours upon hours of non-stop physically demanding, back breaking labor. I apologized to my boyfriend for weeks just because he looked liked hell and the project was my idea that I couldn't complete. 
5.) You will need a lot of tools. Make sure they are sharp, in good condition and no one is emotionally attached to it like the shovel that has been passed down through eight generations because nothing can break it. It will most likely break.
6.) I don't say this in my posts but you will need it, good luck and happy hacking.